VanillaAfro.com

[FAT JACK]

Welcome to the FULLMOON PLATOON TEAM AUCTION... We've got many great items up for bids..Please be generous the proceeds go to THE Kevin Wolf needs a NEW LIVER FOUNDATION!!!

(1) A barely used 1st base mitt--This is a old glove autographed by Steve Garvey and current owner Smitty..Its old but barely broken in as Mr.Smitty rarely gets a glove on the ball

(2)Combs aotographed by DeNofa,Juddy ,Johnny Mac,Keith amazingly these great players dont think they'll be needing them anymore..Available in a set or indivually...Hurry sure to go fast!(like their hair)

(3)A Keith P. signed umpires clicker ..This item is permently set to 3-0 only the strike clicker works...Keith signed this after his 425 pitch gem at the Freddy Meyers tourney..(In his defense we played 10 innings,He'd only thrown 380 pitches thru 7...A masterfull display of nibbling at the corners by OUR ace!!!)

(4)Several Johhny G bats... (a) his first hit a single off Cy Young
(b)#1000 a doub. off Bob Feller
(c)#3000 a sing. off whi tey Ford
(d)#4000 a bomb off Bob Gibson
(e)5000 a ball out of FENWAY off danny
patterson 1 of the 275 hits against men
he got hits against both the father and son

(5)A ball caught by Kevin Wolf and Dennis S---WOW!!! talk about a rare item.. These 2 have caught 5 balls total in their whole lives so these really are high ticket items..It might take years for these 2 to catch another 2 balls so act quickly

(6) A tape of Nancy talking---Thats right fans a audio tape of our favorite spring league score keeper talking!!!Listen to her say "WOW Johnny G is HOTT" "Hey Joe Wolf nice dive""What the fuc- Keith why dont you mix in a strike once in a while" "Hey Iggy has Brandon ever caught the ball"
"Great hit GLEA" "Yes Kevin their real and their FANTASTIC"

(7)Quinny's 1st baby comb---Yes gents we have it up for bids..It's so cute with the several teeth missing from MOMMA Quinny trying to get it thru that nappy ass negroid fro...(THANK GOD the pick came along)

(A signed copy of the book written by Joe Wolf and Terry Francona--Winning at Softball Kindly and Gently ..These 2 great ballers colaberate on a classic explaining how you win more games with kindness and mellowness..

(4) A bottle of Tequilla drank by Kevin W,Mickey Mantle,Billy Martin And Plump Jack---These 4 drinking legends downed this bottle while watching the classic movie"4 men and a baby" the story of 4 drunken bastards who tag team a prostitute while watching Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing..




LET THE BIDDING BEGIN!!

[J. Wolf]

Look! Stop spreading dirty rumors. It’s like someone claiming to have found the Holy Grail chalice or the 10 Commandment stone tablets. It’s simply NOT true! THESE ITEMS DO NOT EXIST! So why, blasphemer, do you claim to have a softball that was caught by not only Dennis Sparks, but also Kevin Wolf in the same game!!!!! How could two men who roam the outfield like Helen Keller ever manage to BOTH catch a fly ball in the same game? IMPOSSIBLE! You would have a better chance of finding a baseball that was caught by Babe Ruth & Barry Bonds in the same game, than these two fielding misfits! So please, I know you are trying to drum up publicity for your auction by “claiming” to have an impossible, never-before-seen item, but spare us! You’d be more believable if you claimed to have the core of the apple that Eve offered to Adam!

[AUCTIONEER]

Bidder,Sir Im aghast by your blasphmis acquisations..I would sue for slander if i only knew how!!These balls are rarer than you think..Sir these balls were caught by Mr's K Wolf and D Sparks AFTER the 3rd out was recorded at 1st base by Mr.Smitty...Thats right Mr.Smitty not only caught a miraculous total of 2 balls in a 3 gm.series BUT he also had the wits about him to toss 1 each to frick and frack as they came in from the OF making these balls practiclly priceless!!! So sir bid with confidence3 the value of these balls will only rise..I dont think they"ll ever see playing time in the field again so bid high young man GOOD LUCK!!!!!

[Moe Howard]

So, the ball was actually caught by ALL of the Full Moon’s 3 STOOGES of Fielding! (Notice the striking resemblance! Dennis is practically a clone of Moe Howard w/o the long black hair. Kevin is Curly with a goatee. And Smitty is a cleaned-up, hair-gelled version of Larry Fine!) WHY DIDN”T YOU MENTION THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? A ball caught by D.Sparks and K.Wolf in the same game is unheard-of! But, also caught by defensive-retard Matt Smith, makes the ball perhaps the rarest and most expensive piece of memorabilia in Canadian Softball history! (I would ask for the ball to be autographed by the 3 fielding stooges, but we all know what would happen: Kevin would spell his name wrong, Smitty would get hair grease on it, and Sparks would just do what he does to every softball that comes into his vincinity: DROP IT!) If only Keith “Shemp” Patterson had used the same ball to start a hitter of at an 0-2 count, then, Auctioneer, you would be looking at a 7-figure price tag!

[Bob Barker]

Collecter;
today sir i have something you'll want for your mantle..Ive got my hands on a ball that was a 1 hop shot to Kpatterson who against all odds snagged it, threw a strike to all-world 2nd sacker D Sparks,who in turn threw a bullet the dirt which was miraculously dug out by all-universe M.Smith!!!!! A rarer ball you'll never find...as a added bonus I will throw in the ball used in "THE SHOT HEARD ROUND THE WORLD" yes the called homer by M Smith which in actuallity was merely a warning track single...So bid accordingly....

[Smitty Guns]

I can no longer take it anymore from people that are older than Bob Barker's mom and look like a beat-up Rod Roddey...please keep Smitty's name out of this blog b/c he has been throwing balls against the wall and catching it and evn thought about going to the batting cages instead of watching TV...thank you for your consideration!
I would however like to buy the "see ya" ball and have Keith pitch it in to me so I can finally hit it out! My bid is $47

[Carol Merrill]

Sir;
While i admire your unquestioned devotion to M .Smith the facts are the facts..A .300 average in pro baseball is an accomplishment, A.3300 in 6-12 softball is feeble...Under .500 and one should seriously consider an other sport unless....The bad hitter is a great defensive player and sir....that is not M Smith!!!He catches more balls off the fence than manny,YAZ,Ted williams ever caught off the MONSTER in fenway..Balls off fence Boston good , balls off fence playing 1st base NOT GOOD..Surround Mr.S at the 10 hole in your star packed line-up and you've got the awesome MOON PLATOON ...Fielding him and occuping a top 5 spot in order with him and youve got LONGSHOTS...

[Smitty Hits]

Pulled hamstring = three weeks rest

Smitty's pulled hamstring = 14 hits in the last four games

Do the Math OLD ONE!

[RUSSELL CROWE]

I as a mathmatical genius know even in the crued scribblings of K.Patterson ,he of the 11 for 9 day at the plate Mr.Smith barely had 11 total bases let alone11 hits...Perhaps you mistakenly looked at the #'s put up by Playoff MVP J Cass...

[Smitty's New Glove]

Please go to the store RIGHT NOW and buy me! I am an official oversized softball first base mitt. Not the regular fielders glove you presently pathetically use! I have a huge pocket that makes it alot easier to catch throws with. I am also rounded in shape at the top to give better feel & smoother sweeping on those balls in the dirt. Please purchase me today so that you have 2 months to break me in. Here's the secret: Also buy glove oil to rub in me. Then, take a softball and put it into my huge pocket. Then, take a shoelace or rope and tie it tightly around me with the ball inside my pocket. Finally, put me like this under your bed everynight. And oil daily. Do this, and I will eliminate many of your errors. And take that piece of shit glove you own now and throw it in the trash. Because God knows you wont need it, because there is no chance of you playing anywhere else in the field besides 1st base. Thank you very much and I look forward to meeting your left hand very soon!