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Take a look at some poker definitions if you don't play poker and are reading this...

Phil Hellmuth pictured below

Poker Strategy

I've been playing poker for a couple years online and done pretty well in tournaments. Basically I think the best online tournament strategy in the lower limits say below $30 is to play very tight, i.e. only play AK, AA, AQ 8's or better (10's Jacks etc...) in early position and mix in only pre-flop bluffs with 2 or less opponents and in late position. Also, only bluff against opponents that are also tight on the table. Also if say you have a hand like AQ and miss the flop, you should most likely always follow through with a bet on the flop if there are less than 3 people still in the hand (this is recommended highly in Dan Harrington's book ( Harrington on Hold 'em: Expert Strategy for No Limit Tournaments: Volume I: Strategic Play and Harrington on Hold'em Expert Strategy for No limit Tournaments: Endplay, 2 ), that old fuck). This gives you another chance to win the hand, since there is a lot of chips in play and also if people do call you, you still may have some outs, i.e. an Ace or a Queen. Now in the higher limits say over $50(big spender eh..), I haven't played them that much but the times I did win and was able to play in sit and go tournaments over $50, the best strategy normally was to bluff a lot and play very aggressive. The only reason really is because most of the players at the higher sit-n-go's play very tight, except for drunk bastards.

Other good poker books include

• Doyle Brunson's Super System - don't have it but you always hear how great it is.
• Since I make fun of him below, Barry Greenstein's book Ace on the River: An Advanced Poker Guide even though I haven't read it I've heard it's ok.
• Lee Jones - Winning Low-Limit Hold'em - pretty good book on low limit hold'em, the most excruciating game on earth next to bar Yatzi, YATZI.
• 7-Card Stud: 42 Lessons How to Win at Medium & Lower Limits by Roy West, a great book on how to play 7 card stud, if you haven't played the game, this is the book for you I guess, it is a little boring but the guy writes clearly and there's some good insights, the main insight and tough part of 7 card stud is that you have to try and keep track of all your outs.

Poker Strategy heads up

Don't ask me, I've tried playing heads up online and lost about 15 out of 20 times. any suggestions email me at info@vanillaafro.com or discuss it on the boards

Poker movies

• I don't think there's that many good poker movies, you'll shoot yourself watching the Stu Ungar movie on HBO or Showtime, but the best one has to be Rounders

Ugliest poker player

The ugliest poker player has to be Barry Greenstein, he looks like the living dead, and even though he's a great player and donates all this tournament money to charity, he still is one ugly looking motherfucker, judge for yourself

POKER GLOSSARY and POKER TERMS

• tight - the act of or some who plays very few hands
• heads up - playing poker against only one other person
• loose - someone or the act of playing a lot of poker hands
• aggressive - someone who raises a lot and bets a lot - verrrrrrrry aggressive
• "outs" - the amount of cards left in the deck for you to make a winning hand.  i.e. if I have J10 and the flop comes Q 9 4  the amount of "outs" i have is possibly 4 Kings and 4 Eights thus I could possibly have 8 outs if I'm up against someone with Queens. If no one has queens I may have the other 3 Jacks as outs too, so I could have 11 outs, but who fregin knows.... 
• the flop - the first 3 cards to come out that everyone involved in the poker hand uses (first 3 community cards) in No Limit Hold-em
• sit n go' - a 6-10 person tournament online which usually takes about an hour, unlike the larger tournaments you see on ESPN or World Poker Tour with hundreds of people. You sit and then you fregin go.
• drunk bastards - the people you want to play against usually unless they get lucky all in with A4
• bad beat - the most overused word in poker, it's only a bad beat if you are huge mathematical favorite like Aces vs. Kings or if you have the lead with top pair in a hand and some fanook hits a runner runner flush or straight
• runner runner - when someone needs two cards to beat you and they get them ex. you have AK an the flop comes Ks 9h 4d and your opponent had 6d 8d and the next two cards come 5d and Ad making his flush, and YOU LOSE.
• 6d - six of diamonds, Ah - ace of hearts get it ?
• all in - putting all of your chips in on a bet
• Ante - A small portion of a bet contributed by each player to seed the pot at the beginning of a poker hand. Most hold'em games do not have an ante; they use "blinds" to get initial money into the pot.
• The Button or Dealer Button - last person to act or the last person who can decide to check,bet or fold in a poker hand
• small blind - The smaller of two blind bets typically used in a hold'em game. Normally, the small blind is one-third to two-thirds of a first round bet.
• big blind - not Ray Charles, but the bigger of the two forced or blind bets in no limit holdem or other poker variants.
• slow play - to play a strong hand weakly so that more players get involved in a pot
• pot - all the money bet in a hand or a bud from South America that gets Tony's head right.
• The Nuts - having the best hand possible, i.e. having an Ace high flush would be the nut flush, but may not be the nuts if there is a possible full house out there, I flopped deez nuts.
• String Bet -  bet (more typically a raise) in which a player doesn't get all the chips required for the raise into the pot in one motion. Unless he verbally declared the raise, he can be forced to withdraw it and just call.
• On Tilt - When a person after either losing a hand or getting trash talked to at the table becomes angry and plays too aggressive or angrily. FUCK YOU YOU COCKSUCKER MOTHERFUCKER
• Top Pair - A pair with the highest card on the flop. If you have AK, and the flop comes Ks-Th-2c, you have top pair or the higherst pair on the flop
• Pot odds - The amount of money in the pot compared to the amount you must put in the pot to continue playing.  ex. if there is $60 in the pot and it is only $6 for you to call then you are getting 10 to 1 pot odds to call the hand, and if you think you have a much better than or at least 10 to 1 chance to win the hand you should most likely call
• Implied Odds - The amount of money you think or guess will be in the hand if you call a bet. Say you have 2 diamonds one of them being the Ad and the flop comes 3d 4d Jh and your opponent bets $20 making the pot $40.  You are now getting 2 to 1 odds to call which aren't the best odds for your flush draw, but you may still call because you think you can get implied odds of say 3 to 1 on your money later in the hand, and a lot more if you actually make your flush
• Draw - if you have 4 cards to a made hand or at least a hand you think will win a poker hand. i.e. if you have 4 diamonds then you are "drawing" to a 5th diamond. Sometimes people also talk of a backdoor draw, i.e. you need 2 cards to make your made or winning hand.
• Bluff - when you bet without a good hand or when you think you are most certainly losing
• Semi-bluff - a bluff made when you don't have a great hand or the best hand but you still have some outs. ex. you have AdKd and the flop comes Jh 4d 5d, and you make a substantial bet. You may not have the best hand and you certainly don't have a pair, but you are making sort of a semi bluff in that you still have a ton of outs to your Aces, Kings or the 5th diamond.
• Counterfeited - a frustrating hand in which you may flop a pair or have a pair and because a higher pair hits the board, you lose to someone with just one higher card in their hand. ex. you have 4d4h and the flop comes Kh 5s 5h and your opponent has Ac 2c. the next card comes Js and then the next card comes Ks making the baord Kh 5s 5h Ks giving your opponent the best 5 card and winning hand.
• Going South - when a player at a cash game leaves to take a break and brings chips with them, not putting them in play when they come back, this is considered bad poker etiquette
• Side Pot - when a person who has less chips then other people who have called their bet is all in, a side pot is created. If I go all in with my last 10 chips and 2 other players call who have 100 chips, then a main pot of 30 chips is created and a side pot of however many chips each of the 2 remaining chips is also created. Usually side pots are not that hotly contested, but every once in awhile the side pot can get a lot bigger than the main pot, especially if the person who originally went all in didn't have a lot of chips to begin with.
• Muck - pile of cards folded, all the cards of folded players
• Limp - to just call weakly to start off a hand
• Live cards - cards not dealt yet
• and there are more fucking terms but i'm sick of writing them, if you have any other good ones email them to info@vanillaafro.com

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